Traces of Insanity
by Tietsu
Summary: A short, angsty reflection from the perspective of one of the characters. Who, I'll leave up to you to decide.


Er...this is...odd. ^^; I actually started this without a clear thought of who I was writing about, though by the end I knew. But...I'll leave it to your imagination. I'm curious to know what people might come up with. (Even though I'm sure it won't be hard, seeing as FF.net makes you put fics in a specific category. .)   
  
This spilled out after beating my head against the wall known as Requiem for a few hours. (Which is giving me hell, if anyone cares) This is one of my little short, one sitting ficlets. There's no happy endings here folks...well, actually I guess that depends on how you look at it. *shrug* No editing here, just a quick run through the spell checker, so my apologies for any mistakes.   
  
Enjoy. Oh, and tell me what you think? 

~*~Traces of Insanity~*~

The sun began to sink below the horizon, casting a dazzling array of colors on the clouds, painting the sky in shades of orange, red and pink, with hints of violet tugging at the edges. Reflecting on the calm waters of the ocean. A truly magnificent sight. But like all things of beauty, it's slowly fading away. The sun escapes the world and leaves us in darkness.

How deliciously ironic.

The warm summer night's breeze tugs playfully at my hair, but I pay it no notice, staring out over the ocean. But it's not the calm waters I see, no, it's the deeper ocean of your eyes. Eyes that could drown a man. You were so very much like the sun, a dazzling, sparkling thing, shedding light on all around you. And like the sun, you left, leaving my world, once so warmed by your presence, a dark and cold place. A place where there is nothing but shadows. Nothing but darkness, loneliness and never-ending pain.

You didn't even have the decency to go quietly. Instead, you had to look at me, with those eyes I loved so dearly and yet so despised. You took my heart with you when you left, or maybe I gave it to you. I can't seem to figure it out. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're gone. You never knew, did you? Or maybe you did, you were always so hard to understand. I don't think I knew, not until the end. Not until those last few moments.

I think I loved you. I think I still love you. A curse that weighs heavily on my heart. I'll never be at peace, because I think I'll always love you.

I hate you for that. For making me love you. Despite what people seem to think, there's no joy in love, no happiness. Love is simply a word for the searing, agonizing pain that surges through you like fire. It consumes and destroys. Tears your very soul apart and yet, you still yearn for more. That pain is like a drug, intense and addictive. It seems we humans are to love like moths are to flame, seeking out that which will only destroy us.

You…you are my demon and my angel. My love and my hate. Fear and power and hatred merged so perfectly with warmth and comfort and benevolence. So many contradictions. How could I even begin to understand you when I hardly understand myself?

I miss you. Every day in this world without you is torture. I want to see you, touch you, taste you. I want to hear my name on your lips, I want to be with you again, like that one time…to bodies and two souls in a perfect rhythm, a physical and spiritual merging. The one time in my life I felt true happiness was that night, in your arms. The one and only time. I would give anything to feel that again.

But you're gone. No matter how hard I wish it, you'll never return to me. And so…I'll go to you. Wherever you might be, I'll follow. I'll travel to the end of the universe to find you again. Because I love you. Because my soul is already yours, it's simply a matter of coming to you.

Like the moon follows the sun, so shall I follow you from this world to the next.

I can't help but smile, looking down at the rocks below. The ocean crashes against the cliff wall, foaming around the sharp rocks below. Quite a fall. Not that it matters. Arms spread wide, I close my eyes and smile, the last rays of the setting sun fading, giving way to the shadows.

Feeling free for the first time in so very long, I step forward, the rocky edge of the cliff giving way to the dark air beyond. I'm falling, the wind sweeping past me in a cleansing rush. I made the right decision. I know it. I can almost feel his arms around me; hear his voice in my ear. 

I open my eyes then, still smiling, and see the sharp crags--so close now-- rushing up to meet me.

I'm coming.


End file.
